Insatiable Hunger
by Deadly Tigress
Summary: Bella has always suffered with an hunger like no other. It controls her. Makes decisions for her. Anything she does always come back to her Hunger. After an fatal incident involving satisfying said Hunger, Bella moves to Forks to escape from the sins of her past. Will Alice, a vampire with her own trouble past, be able to save Bella from herself or will the Hunger consume Bella?
1. A True Monster

_ Insatiable Hunger_

By Deadly Tigress

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Firstly, a warm welcome to those who took the time to check out this story. **Insatiable Hunger **is the first story that I've written on this site, so I ask you to be as truthful as possible about it. I wish to improve my writing, and criticism truly helps.

Now, for a bit of warning. This story will feature certain elements which may be considered disturbing to some readers, so I ask you to read with caution. It won't be a particularly light story, though it may have its moments. All I ask is that you keep an open mind, due to the fact that this is story has topics inside which are quite serious.

**Warnings for this story**: Strong Language, Blood/Gore, Graphic Violence, Trigger Warnings, Sexual Content, Drug/Alcohol Use

***The Twilight Saga and its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. No profit is made from this work of fiction, and copyright infringement is not intended.**

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**Prologue:**

Hunger.

I'm sure everyone has felt it at least once in their lifetime.

You know, the hunger that settles inside your empty gut in an aching knot, leaving you feeling weak and helpless to do anything expect lay down and wait for it to pass into a less painful sensation, so you can finally get rid of it with fulfilling food.

Well, imagine that sensation never going away, no matter how many times you gorge yourself. Imagine it always being there, in the back of your mind, taunting you with the fact that it's completely and utterly limitless. Driving you crazy. Destroying you from the inside with its constant cruelty. Making living a true hell on earth.

That's what I have to go through on a daily basis, and that's not even the half of it.

The worst part…is the fact that it's not even a normal hunger. My Hunger aches for things _she_ shouldn't. Things…that could get me in plenty of trouble if I act on her desires. Every day is a constant fight with my Hunger, which is no easy task. Most times, I win against her, sparing someone from witnessing the frightening beast held within me.

Sometimes however, I submit to my Hunger, just to ease the mind-numbing pain that I have to deal with when I ignore her cravings. Each time it leaves me with a sense of drowning guilt, but also a feeling of dark satisfaction.

It's a double-edge sword, I guess.

No point in denying that it's horribly wrong and no point in denying that it keeps me sane. At least, sane in the sense that I don't have to lock myself in my room to hide the results of not satisfying _her_.

My name is Isabella Marie Swan, and I'm just trying to cure my insatiable hunger.

Chapter One:

**A True Monster **

_I've done it again_.

My body was rapidly pulsing with the sweet heat of adrenaline; a tell-tale sign of what I did while trapped in the crimson haze of bloodlust. Ice was slithering through my veins now though, cooling my fiery blood back to the calm state of normality.

_I don't want to see._

Too late.

The shadowy haze that had covered my vision was dispersing like morning fog. Soon, I was going to see the results of what _she _did.

_Please, don't be another innocent one._

Taking a deep breath to settle me, I closed my eyes as the last of the haze disappeared. Tears, stained with the blackened marks of my burning emotions, bit at my eyelids with stinging teeth. They did not stirred though. So focus I was on keeping them shut, a sudden shrill scream from behind me did not fully registered in my head.

_It's not important._

Of course, I knew the terrified sound was from someone who must have saw the handiwork of what my Hunger has created, and that meant I was now in danger, but I just couldn't bring myself to care. Personally, I didn't want to see the monstrosity before me. No need to give _her_ the satisfaction of my reaction.

'_Oh, why do you have to be like that? You know I love seeing your expressions at my work,'_ My Hunger purred from the shadowy corners of my mind, her voice smooth and sweet like dripping honey.

'I don't give a damn what you love,' I hissed back, 'You're a beast. A disgusting beast with a monster's appetite. The people close to you will never truly love you and everybody else hates you!' An unexpected sob choked up in my throat, stopping me from continuing with my harsh words.

_Never truly loved…always fully hated._

Silence settled in my throbbing head for a second before my Hunger filled it with laughter; cold, saccharine glee in the form of innocent giggles.

Teeth clenched in restrained anger, I felt the tears gathered in my eyes began to slide out the corners in inevitable trails of hurt. They crawled down my cold cheeks, like drops of rain, each one faster than the other as they soon began to steadily fall.

Unable to hold back the misery that was crushing down on my shoulders, I did the one thing that I knew would please _her_ greatly.

I broke down.

'_Oh, you poor thing. You really are unlovable,'_ she whispered, her tone low with pity and regret. It almost sounded like she cared…I knew the truth however. She was taking great delight in the racking sobs that shook my body. It gave her another form of pleasure to be the cause of my despair. To see me fall down the stairs of strength. I can see it now.

Me, broken and bleeding, at the bottom step of the spike-covered stairs. She, standing at the very top, with a smug smile and an iron fire poker in her hand that she had used to pushed me over the edge. Her eyes gazing down at me with sweet malice; they were like pools really. Cavernous pools of darkness. Shadows were swimming in them, reaching out with clawed fingers.

Grabbing me quickly.

Holding me tightly.

Killing me slowly.

But also…

Loving me softly.

Yes, she did love me. Even when she was ripping away my sanity, driving me further into thoughts of death, I knew she loved me…in her own way.

'_Right you are, my love,'_ she crooned, sending a gentle wave of affection through me that numbed the pain.

It was warm and lovely, tingling against my spine in pleasurable tremors. Dropping onto my knees, my body relaxed into a slump position as the wonderful feeling buzzed inside the core of my being, before spreading outwardly to my twitching limbs. Every part of me was held captive by the sensations. I couldn't regulate anything. Not my limbs. Not my senses. Hell, not even my breathing.

My Hunger was in control.

'What are you doing to me?' I moaned at her drunkenly, unable to move even an inch without rolling my eyes back in pleasure.

Police sirens echoed from the distance, loud and shrill.

'_I'm just showing you how sorry I am for making you kill that nine year old girl.'_

'Nine year old girl…what…!' A feeling, similar to that of a knife in the heart, snatched my breath away. Abruptly, all the lovely sensations I had been feeling cooled into an icy prickling. Sick and fearful, I opened my eyes and gazed out in front of me in dark silence.

"No," I echoed in a horrified hush.

Blood.

Everywhere.

Splattered against the brick walls.

Gathered in puddles on the concrete floor.

Blood. Blood. Blood.

"I…"

"Freeze!"

Paralyzing fear grabbed my pounding heart and twisted it painfully. Vision blurred, my eyes slowly swivel over to the police officers who pointed their silver guns at me with fierce intensity. Their cruisers were lined up behind them; the red and blue lights on top spinning around in dizzy blurs. Crowds of people were gathered behind the lines of tape the police had put up, watching the scene in front of them with lethal curiosity. Their expressions were a variety of emotions. _Anger, horror, fear, sadness, shock…_

"Put your hands behind your head!"

Numb, I began to do so.

'_Don't listen to them, Bella! Show them…our secret protection.'_

Halfway up to my hood-covered head, I froze, and then began to lower my hands into the pockets of my hoodie.

"I said freeze!"

Irritated at the constant yells being thrown my way, I snarled over my shoulder, "No, you told me to put my hands behind my head, you dumbass!"

At that, I grabbed the secret "protection" that was in deep in my pocket, released the safety handle and pulled out the pin. Blind with my aim, I tossed the little killer to the direction of the police before making a run for it down the alleyway.

"Hey-!"

"Free-!"

"Grenade!"

Screams filled the air before a roar of rushing fire silenced them. Cruisers were up in towering flames. People were suffering from fatal burns. Cries of agony echoed into the night sky, entwining with the dancing smoke. Ambulances signaled their approach to the gruesome scene, but for some, it was far too late. Final breaths were released on hoarse whispers to nearby friends or family members, who too were dying.

Hidden in the shadows, I listened to the destruction. So much pain. So much sorrow. So…

'_Delicious,' _My Hunger hissed, giving me a proud kiss on the crown of my head.

Smiling wide, both from the agonized cries and _her_ loving touch, I gave a soft chuckle and backed up deeper into the alley.

A crimson river followed after me, trailing like a slithering snake. At the end, a small body was curled up in the fetal position. Noiselessly, I walked over to the girl who never caused me harm; who never did anything to provoke me.

Physically, at least.

My eyes, most likely dead of emotion, gazed down at the still child in silent empathy. The next words that glided off my tongue was as bitter as they were hopeful.

"A true monster would have let you suffered…not me though. No, I know what would have happened if you remained on this earth with the horrors that you had to go through. You would be like me…always hungry. Hungry for things you wouldn't understand. Things…that were taken away from you when you weren't strong enough to fight for them. I'm sorry, kid. I…hope you find peace, wherever you are."


	2. The Power of Words

**A/n: **I apologize for the long wait. My mind had drifted away from this story for a moment, but now I have a steady plot, which hopefully means quicker updates. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

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Chapter Two:

** The Power of Words**

The trek through Phoenix back to my house was a difficult one, and not just because of the scouting police. Sleazy cat-callers, tipsy partiers, and greedy hookers all distracted me from my desire to leave the corruption behind. Not that my Hunger tolerated such distractions herself, especially the constant appearance of prostitutes. One busty blonde in particular had try to get me into an alleyway with whispered promises of a wild night I wouldn't dare forget. _She_ quickly taught the poor girl a brutal lesson, leaving her a sobbing mess in a small pool of her own blood that I desperately ignored just so I could hold onto the last bit of stability that I still had left.

'_That little slut had it coming to her, Bella, and you know it,'_ she said in the murky darkness of my mind with a callous indifference, '_How dare she put her filthy hands on what's __**mine **__in the first place. I like the nerve of some of these diseased whores, thinking they can seduce anyone they wanted. Not you though, my darling. You would never choose one of them, or anyone else for that matter, over me, would you?'_

Bubbling pleasure, interlocked with the deliciously barbed vines of pain, wrapped around my body in a constricting hold, stopping me in the middle of the bare sidewalk before fading away as quickly as it came. Unlike the first wave, which had kept me under the control of her_, _this flood simply reminded me of the feelings she could create in a heartbeat. Pleasure that could knock me down to my knees and pain that could make me bend and twist my spine. Not to mention, the other things she did that either kept me content or drove me mad.

All in all, she's a paradox. A seductive, maddening paradox who, yes, I could never imagine separating from. Call me weak or pathetic all you like, it wouldn't change my opinion on the matter. She is a part of me, whether I like it or not, and it's going to stay that way. Trying to fight it would only cause unneeded misery and tension.

'Of course not, angel,' I reassured her, with a pleased smile at her hushed gasp of delight, 'No woman in this world would dare replace you in my heart, mind, or soul. You have nothing to fear.'

A heat, as soothing and addicting as the glow of a fireplace on a chilly winter's night, rushed underneath my skin, driving away all sensations of coldness. The display of her internal joy made me chuckle as I strolled farther away from the depravity and debauchery that hung over the city like an invisible shadow.

-x-x-x-x-x-

My house was on the edge of Phoenix, in a small neighborhood called Sandy Shores. It was about a mile or two away from the city, so walking wasn't too big of a deal to me. I'd walked farther when I was younger, and that was for an entirely different reason.

'_Let's try not to think about that, love. It was a dark time for the both of us, and it's best to just leave it in the past. We have the present, and more importantly, the future to worry about right now.'_

'You can say that again,' I answered back as the empty street holding my own personal hell appeared. There was no streetlights lined up on the narrow road, so the only illumination guiding me was the bright glow of the outside lamps near or on the shady houses. Besides that, there wasn't much to see.

_Not even the moon is out with its majestic form and memorizing radiance, which always make me stare in wide-eyed reverence. The stars are there though, but they're too far out to provide any helping light. Beauty and distance keeps them from being concerned about the happenings below, especially a mercilessly psychotic killer whose only true companion was the sardonic voice inside her head._

My Hunger quickly took the signs of my rising depression as a good time to taunt me.

'_Way to depressed us both, Bella. You want to talk about how the sun's light resembles the flames of your fiery hatred for me_ _as well?' _She drawled in apathetic sarcasm, giving an irritated groan when I began to do just that to spite her. Hey, there's only so much derision one can take before they decide to fight back with their own form of mockery. This was one of those times.

'You suggested it,' I told her once I was done, receiving an icy stab of her anger that raised goose bumps down my soon shivering arms and legs. It was obvious she did not appreciate the reminder, but that didn't stop me from laughing out loud in the similar way of a gleeful maniac from her annoyed response.

'_I said it in a manner meant to __**mock **__you, not __**encourage **__you. The only time I'll ever truly encourage you is when I want you to do the dirty work of are messy hunts. Believe it or not, the actual killing part gets tedious to me, and besides, it's __**your**__ inner desire after all, not mine.'_

The last part of her words silenced my laughter in an instant. 'What do you mean, it's _my_ inner desire?' I questioned with a trace of suspicion in my mental voice. She didn't reply. Typical.

'Leave it to you to shut up when I actually want you to talk for once,' I said to her, trying to provoke her ire again for my answer. Again, only silence replied. Something told me she knew that she had hit a sensitive nerve, and was happy to drive a knife through it by not giving any explanation of her thought-provoking statement. _You cruel, cold-hearted,_ _daughter of a-_

'_Oh, look! We're home,'_ she shouted abruptly, startling me from the vicious thoughts that had been running through my head.

Sadly, she was right. We were "home," if you can call it that. It was modestly small compared to the others in our neighborhood, painted a painfully cheerful baby-blue with a tiny garden in the front. The grass was a shiny green and the house itself had its own perky luster. Honestly, it looked like the home of a perfect, little family, but like all things, looks can be deceiving.

If anything, the people living inside here were beyond dysfunctional; a harebrained mother obsessed with getting back on the path of righteousness after her fall to wickedness, a stepfather who hated his wife for all the right reasons and loved his stepdaughter for all the wrong reasons, and a teenage girl, whose favorite pastime was not going out shopping with her friends, but rather, satisfying her need to slaughter with her only friend….who happened to be living inside her head.

My god, why hasn't there been a book about this?

_I like to think of this place as more of a prison really. You know, what with it filled with frightening remembrances that haunt me on a daily basis. Or maybe it's more like a hell that tortures me with psychological punishment for sins I didn't even commit, but hey, at least it has a roof over top of it._

'_Here you go again,' _she said with a scornful snort_, 'Going from happy and playful to dark and brooding in a quick second. I swear, if you keep this up, I'm really going to give you something to moan and bitch about and you won't like it.'_

The fact that she was the main object of my "moaning and bitching" really took off the edge of her threat. Then again, she did know some things about me that could push me into thoughts of suicide. I guess it's better if I just stay on her good side…for now.

"You know that killing gets me in a gloomy mood," I said quietly as I walked up the bare driveway to the front door. 'Why do you make me murder when you know the consequences of said actions?'

She gave a soft sigh that was laced with pity before saying, _'Like I told you before. It's not really me making you do those things. If only you were smart enough to understand.'_

I decided to ignore the subtle insult in that comment. It just wasn't worth the effort. The meaning _behind_ the sentence though…that caught my attention, but I packed it in a corner for later examination. Preferably when I would be alone…_completely_ alone.

Pulling off the blue beaded keychain around my neck, I grabbed the top of the silver key hanging from it and gazed down at the locked doorknob with a fearful silence. For once, my Hunger didn't try to pressure me on going inside. She might have been weary of the onslaught of memories that always overwhelmed my mind when I was inside the deceptively innocent building, or she might have been tired of the back and forth scorn we had showed to each other a few minutes before. Either way, she was in no mood to rush me, and for that, I was thankful.

Heart pounding erratically, my hand shook as I shoved the key inside and slowly twisted it to the left until there was a faint click. Beads of sweat dotted along my forehead at the ominous sound while the hairs on the back of my neck stood up tall. No matter how many times I've gone through this, it was always a painful memoir which never ceased to remind me of my forgotten past.

You would think I would be desensitize to it by now, but sadly, I'm not.

Before I could even think of opening the door myself though, it sprang open on its own. Well, with the help of my heaving, wild-eyed mother. As always, my mind and heart grew cold at the sight of her, while my soul hid itself in the shadows of my dead being. Expressionless, I stared calmly at the anger and fear that boiled in her eyes as I greeted in a casual tone, "Hi, mom. Can I come in?"

Shock, as quick as a shot of lightning, flashed across her face before the "maternal" anger settled in. Her eyebrows furrowed in barely restrained fury. "You've been gone all night, Bella, and that's all you can say to me?" She hissed through bared teeth, "_Hi, mom. Can I come in?_ What is wrong with you?"

I couldn't help, but smile at her question. Ah, so many answers for one hypothetical question. Feeling reckless, I responded back with a not-so-subtle reply. "Well, for _one_ thing, I have a religious_ nut_ for a mother. Secondly-"

The harsh smack of skin-against-skin contact echoed through the silent night. Surprisingly, it was the only sound that could be heard. Well, except for inside my head where a banshee-like scream came from my Hunger, who immediately covered me in a protective warmth as she spit vicious curses at Renee among furious hisses and animalistic growls.

Paralyzed, I stared down to my right at the patch of withered flowers between the porch and house as my left cheek burned hot with the aftermath stings of the slap. The neighborhood was quiet, not even daring to make a sound, as if afraid to break the sudden silence. Unable to speak, I shifted my view to the corner of my eyes without a word. Renee gazed back at me with a sharp flinch in her wavering glare, but her expression swiftly froze back into its previously arctic state. The quick display of weakness sparked a malicious delight inside of me however, which must have appeared in my stone-cold stare since I could tell she noticed it. Her redden hand, although shaking, raised up half-way in preparation to deliver another fierce blow if I tried to act on my malevolent feelings. Out of curiosity, I waited for her to speak first, and she did not disappoint.

Her mouth trembling the whole time, she whispered to me in a threatening tone, "I'm sorry that I slapped you. Really, I am, but…you better pray to the Lord that one day, I don't hurt you for real because of your insolence."

I didn't even have time to reply before my Hunger went off.

'_You already have hurt her for real, you ignorant bitch! Why do you think she has a lack of love and respect for you? If you would have just opened your eyes earlier, you would have saw the things she had to go through…and is still going through! You damn naïve, pitiful excuse of a mother! Women like you make me want to-'_

'It's alright, angel,' I said, trying my hardest to calm down her furious ranting, 'I'm not scared or hurt by what she said. In the end, it's just empty words she can't back up. Nothing more, nothing less.'

'_Yes, well, if she put her hands on you again, I'm going to snap her neck. After beating her to a bloody pulp, of course.'_

'You, and your descriptive violence.'

'_I'm just stating the truth. That wasn't a threat, by the way.'_

'What was it then?'

'_A promise. A very __**genuine**__ promise. All she has to do is try me one more time...'_

'I'll take your word for it. Now, go back to silently observing, alright? I'll take care of the rest of this.'

_'Fine, but hurry. I don't want you to have to deal with **him **too.'_

Fixing my face into something cool and collected, I spoke to Renee in a nonchalant manner, "I'm just going to pretend that this incident never happened. Okay, mother?"

Salty tears swam over her ocean-blue eyes like miniature waves, but she didn't say anything as I straightened myself up, and walked past her through the doorway. There would come another day where our tempers would get the best of us, and it would result in physical pain, but for now, the battle between us was over. Now wasn't the time to reopened old wounds or pick unhealed scabs. That would be another day as well. Hopefully, that one was fast approaching because I have much to say, and none of it will be good. It might even scarred Renee.

After all, the power of words is a strong force. It has the strength of being able to lead you to bigger and greater things while also helping you persuade others to see how you do. Many who are known as natural-born leaders are able to harness the strength of words, which is why they were so enthralling. This power can be abused though. In the wrong mouth, it can cause others to doubt themselves while also brainwashing those with little knowledge. Bullies are a good example of this. They use their cruel taunts to belittle those different than them, without fully realizing the costs of their words. It's a miserable reality, filled with taken lives and lost futures, and the sad fantasy is that people think it can be stopped. As long as there's senseless hate, words and actions will be ruled by it.

However, none of these equal to what I wish to do.

Personally, I like the power because it can easily show people the errors of their ways, no matter how much they try to deny them…which is what I hope to do with the falsely virtuous woman who brought me into this corrupt world.


End file.
